Written by Ashley
I lost my cool this morning.
Everly is 10 months and just rages when you try to make her sit still. Specifically, changing her diaper is A TASK to say the least.. It’s like she’s expressing the utter turmoil of oppression through cries and groans and kicks while I gently remove the PEE AND POOP SHE WAS SITTING IN (!!!). Like seriously kid, you should be thanking me that I don’t let you sit in pee and poop.
But today, I just couldn’t handle it. I didn’t have the patience for this riot. I used a tone with her that I’m not proud of. And she probably has zero clue of what I meant.
About half an hour later as I hugged her before her morning nap, I apologized. I apologized out loud, and told her what I did wrong. I told her I would try my very best to be more patient today. And I felt silly for a after moment doing it. Did she understand what I was saying? Probably not. Did she pick up on my attitude change and posture of heart? I hope so.
My husband Zach and I always say that the #1 word used in our marriage is “I’m sorry.” If it’s one thing we know, it’s that we’re going to mess up and need forgiveness. And honestly, he says it more than me because he’s humble and patient I’m really bad at saying it, even when I need to. So why don’t I start that practice with my daughter? Even now when she may not understand me.
As much as I’m training her, I’m training myself. Training myself to be OK with not being a perfect mom, but to be a mom who is real and honest and in need of grace.